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Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears. You can follow me into the stall if you need to but I had some bad “Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears” and now I feel like'”, but they had stopped listening and smirked at each other, two of the other agents – a tall, dark-haired female and a shorter, balding fat man – looked away from me and I could see them shaking a little as they stifled their laughs. All of my clothes were incinerated in the hospital’s crematorium, and the soiled bag of “Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears” was never recovered. I joined the queue in the KLM line, which was mercifully short, most likely because all of the passengers for my flight had already been checked through as the flight was scheduled to depart in an hour. Haribo Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag. The laxative effect of these ‘sugar free gummy … The Party Gummy Bear is a 26-pound (11.8 kg) candy confection. Product Image. We don’t even know where to begin with this one. for 5lb bag of gummy bears. This is me. Gummy styled like fighter jets; 5 lb bag (approx. The slow dawning of realization poked through my agony and stoic resolve as I turned to face an agent dawning rubber gloves. If I moved it would be the end of me and all that I held dear. My jaw dropped in shock as what I can only describe as the sound of an agonized wailing alley-cat in heat with a persistent Doppler effect added to it’s voice emitted from some nether-region of my intestines. With each step I took towards the room that they ushered me into, I felt that my legs would give way. Share - Albanese Candy, Sugar Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag. Ships to You in Either Clear Packaging or the New Gold Updated Packaging. I slowly turned my head to survey the devastation and in that instant, if I had had a pencil or some other sharp object, I probably would have gouged my eyes out in revulsion. But boy oh boy, it sure tastes good! I looked beyond his quivering, catatonic crouched form to see a perfect outline of him cutout on the white wall behind him, either side filled in with a dripping, opaque layer of alternately pulpy and runny fecal stew. Its monstrous size is only matched by its enormous taste. There's a reason the combination of orange and cream in an ice cream bar is called a dreamsicle, and with this delectable duo in gummy bear form, your dreams can come true without having a melty mess run down your arm. On any given day I can be found reading a crime novel on a park bench in the middle of the city, soaking in the opulence of nature while nibbling on my tuna fish sandwiches and fending off the voracious gulls and squirrels that threaten to spoil my repose. My eyes rolled back in my head and my tongue lolled out of my head like a half-retarded dog and I emitted a low, sustained groan that grew in pitch as the filthy torrent pushed its way out of my body. “However, I became Tooty McGee for the following 24 hours after ingesting these hell bears. But Haribo also likes to have fun too and create different gummy shapes and flavors. The girls where charming and the scene was festive. Albanese Candy, Sugar Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag. She chuckled at me and gave me the look that made me marry her. The burglars took cash, tools, pallets, food from the kitchen and a 5-pound bag of Albanese gummy bears an employee bought from the Merrillville company that he brought to work. I sobbed silently as the shame overtook me and there was nothing else to do but expel the demon from my core. (1) 5 lb Sealed factory Bags. !” and my own ecstatic, monotone wail. ... £ GBP - Pounds. Albanese World's Best 12 Flavor Gummy Bears - 5 lb Bag. And this was the tableau that was burnt into my mind’s eye for eternity. “Why, what’s the matter?” I stammered, wincing slightly as the act of speech seemed to strain the tenuous and extremely fragile truce I had negotiated between my bowels and the tempest that raged within. In my glee I turned around with three of the packages tucked neatly into my arms wearing a smile to match my new friends. And that was how I was feeling now, with several key differences – the pain was worse, the sense of an impending bowel movement was so formidable it gave me temporary amnesia, and it took all of my will-power, all of it, to clench my butt cheeks together to prevent my sphincter from exploding. But as for the families of the survivors, and the survivors themselves, they will forever live with the trauma of the events that took place at Pearson International Airport on that snowy day in April 2013. I begged them for my family but they simply screamed. Yet none answered. It was only as I stood face to face with the agent and handed her my passport and ticket that I had a glimpse of the agony that was about to begin. 75. The officer’s eyes widened in alarm, and she kept her eyes glued to my stomach as she thoroughly patted me down. Share - Black Forest Gummy Bears, 5 Lb. There was only the flow. George J. Howe Company629 West Main StreetGrove City, PA 16127. She was never seen again. Black Forest Gummy Bears Bag, 5 Lb. My daughter is five. I would have to try to make it to the restroom. I had given this poor schmuck a one-man s*** bukkake that would make a Brazillian pornographer retch with disgust, and he was still in the same position he must have been from the moment of first impact. The next two days were a blur of IV’s, doctors and what I think was an African Medicine man, though I was on some heavy duty painkillers. Haribo Gummi Candy Gold-Bears, 5-Pound Bag. I was hungry. I thought it was nothing. The young agent had taken the brunt of the foul witch’s brew, and at first I couldn’t process what I was seeing. 3. Jump to navigation Jump to search. With cat-like reflexes I squeezed my sphincter shut with what seemed like nano-seconds to spare, and I knew, I KNEW that if I didn’t get the bathroom immediately I would s*** myself. About this product. The point here being, I made a very, very, very poor choice. See It. I had always liked gummy bears – they were bright but rather innocuous, they weren’t overly sweet so as to become cloying and – of course – each candy came in the visage of a rather happy, docile bear reminiscent of the picture one’s mind’s eye holds of all anthropomorphic bears from Yogi to Winnie. Maybe I would make it through this ordeal after all. The full title is: “Haribo Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag of Delicious Bears! My breathing became uneven as I entered the metal detector and I realized with alarm that I had taken off my socks without even registering it, and one of my shirt tails was untucked at the front. “Spread your cheeks” the young agent said, his voice directly behind me and lower than the other two, “and bend over”. The stench was overwhelming; thick and oppressive like a sickly sweet blanket on a warm summers eve. item 1 Black Forest Gummy Bears Candy 5 Pound Bulk Bag 1 - Black Forest Gummy Bears Candy 5 Pound Bulk Bag… The Party Gummy Bear is, by all sane accounts, an enormously unhealthy food object. Top subscription boxes – right to your door, © 1996-2020, Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Quirky Egg Minder Wink App Enabled Smart Egg Tray, BlueQ Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Liquid Hand Soap, Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml, Sex Panther 1.7-oz Cologne Spray Non Growl Box, Celestron PowerSeeker 50 AZ Refractor Telescope, Zubaz Classic Zebra Printed Athletic Lounge Pants. I had pretty much stopped registering details of my environment as my consciousness closed off all but the absolutely necessary functions – breathing, ability to walk – but I snapped back to reality when I heard the snap of rubber. Then she showed me the original package. Take a slight risk and try the iridescent gummies that come in the 5-Pound Bag of Haribo Techno Gummi Bears. As I shakily moved forward towards the agent for a pat down, my stomach began to illicit sounds that can only be described as otherworldly. It is inconceivable to think that this kind of product can be sold legally and be misrepresented as ‘food’. Gummy bears are not generally my thing, but after two weeks of strict dieting and bearing the word “Sugar-free” emblazoned across the front, they might as well have been ambrosia from the Gods themselves. They understand that to gummy candy fans, texture is paramount. No, red. She came over like a whisper in a field and asked what I was getting. I had just finished packing, checked the time and found I was running late, my flight was at 7:10 PM and it was now almost 5:00 PM. $12.75 $ 12. Try as I might, the bears were fighting back, seemingly set on draining my body, in it’s entirety, of life giving liquid. No, this was something much worse. Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag. I thought somehow the young blond kid had been spirited away and replaced by a brown Golem, or a ATV rider that had spent the better part of a day driving through every mud puddle he could find after a torrential downpour. Albanese World's Best 12 Flavor Gummi Bears, 5 Pound Bag. These weren't just typical farts, mind you. A gleaming light at the end of a sweets filled tunnel; my salvation in the sea of sugar. Sale. She is the light of my life and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. My body remained rigid for a moment and I experienced a relief that can only be described as orgasmic in it’s purity. This is my story. This is what made the whole incident that followed so baffling – if they had tasted ‘off’ or ‘different’ I most likely wouldn’t have continued to shovel them into my mouth absent-mindedly while daydreaming about what I would order to eat from room-service in my hotel in Amsterdam. Family-Owned Company Since 1927. With a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, my sphincter released. My wife noticed my anguish and leaded over to ask me what was wrong. “Pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegod”, I whispered in a desperate, maniacal mantra, not even aware of my surroundings anymore. Glucose Syrup (From Wheat or Corn), Sugar, Gelatin, Dextrose (From Wheat or Corn), Citric Acid, Corn Starch,Artificial and Natural Flavors, Palm Kernel Oil, Carnauba Wax, White Beeswax, Yellow Beeswax, Yellow 5, Red 40, Blue 1. So when it came to that special time of year for her winter ballet concert, I was the proudest man in the whole theater. This is the product that started it all for us. The crazy, fever-induced image of said cartoon animal chasing Bugs Bunny through the splashy, volcanic s***-kettle that was my stomach, caused me to illicit a short, maniacal bark of laughter as I approached the Metal detector, a wild, distant look in my eyes, sweat now beginning to poor off of my like a long-distance runner in Kenya. I checked my watch again, frowned, and absent-mindedly opened the bag of “Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears” and began to munch on them as the line slowly advanced. Average rating: 4.8. out of. This five-pound beast is the equivalent of 1,400 regular sized gummy bears and packs a whopping 6,120 calories. I held my breath, my eyes bulging dangerously from my head as the machine scanned me. In fact the next week is a blur. With great relief, I slowly pulled myself off the table, legs trembling, my stomach eliciting one last sound, a loud prolonged gas bubbling that eerily resembled a pig orgasm. As they carted me out I heard one of them screaming to a stage hand for a bucket… apparently I wasn’t done just yet. The shorter guard agreed with a snort, off to my right. Panic started to grip me in it’s icy grasp and the sudden adrenaline threatened to destroy my sphincters bulwarks and rend my anus in two. The other travellers clearing the security check stared with curiosity and revulsion at the spectacle unfolding before them, whispering amongst themselves and hurrying to pack up their belongings and get as far away from me as possible, no doubt assuming that the airport had nabbed some sort of domestic terrorist. Oh, gummy bears! No trumpets, no fanfare, no fire raining from the heavens, no dogs and cats living together in harmony, no finger on the button, no prophet to predict it, no nothing. Thick gummy bears in a mix of 12 fruity flavors! They were obviously trying to suppress their gagging as they worked on me. Little did I know, that she had once again saved my life. It was one she had taken a little too lightly. Be warned: These are a read, but they are totally worth it! Walmart # 564653598. 280 gummies per bag) Approx. The shame was more than my fragile male ego could handle and I wanted justice. If you want to read the shorter reviews of these gummy bears on Amazon, click the link at the bottom of the page. The agent was staring at me with slight consternation and asked me if I was alright. I could hardly contain myself as I exclaimed “three packages of gummy bears please!” In my exuberance I had drawn a little too much attention, in the form of my wife. With single-minded intensity I grabbed my carry-on, shoes and socks from out of the plastic tub that had passed the x-ray inspection, and without putting anything back on, I turned on my heels with the intention of finding the nearest restroom and slowly dying there one squirt at a time. A 5 pound bag of Haribo Sugerfree Gummy bears… and right there on the label was a warning. Surely that mother had laced the gummies with some kind of laxative, like a sick twisted joke but after confronting the woman she told me that she had done nothing to the bears at all. “Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears” are NOT food. I spotted a vending machine nestled in a relatively low-traffic corner of the terminal and rushed over, already pulling out my credit-card and mentally assessing what I had a craving for so as to save time interacting with the machine. I have vague recollections of an army of Hazmat clad figures looming through the brown landscape of the soiled room, the slopping sounds of rubber boats squelching in puddles of fetid detritus, uncontrollable wailing and animal-like sounds issuing from the mouths of creatures that had been traumatized beyond their capacity for being put back together, the complete loss of sensation from my waist down as I was rolled through the room on a waterproof gurney, it’s wheels struggling to surf on top of the s***-soaked floor. Cursing softly, I ran out to the car and threw my bags in the trunk, hitting the gas a little harder than usual in my haste to make it to the Long Term Parking Lot as soon as possible. These days, the definition of the word ‘food’ has been bastardized and the meaning has been broadened to include veritably any material that can be digested, or rather, chewed and swallowed without causing death or severe illness. I briefly entertained the thought of trying to find a restroom before going through security, but at that point my discomfort was manageable and I didn’t think it was get any worse, certainly not within the amount of time it would take to clear security. Bulk Bag. From somewhere within me my mind recognized that this sound had issued from me, although my consciousness had now begun to separate from my body and I held my breath and prayed to God for strength. It was a dark blotch about five millimetres long and shaped like a smiling bear, a yellow dancing bear. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, but God help me… I didn’t. 11 product ratings. I began to walk like a duck, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, not even caring now what other people were seeing in front of them – a disheveled, barefoot 40-year-old business man, red-faced and bulgy-eyed, sweating profusely, shaking slightly and walking without bending his knees. As a child I had had a bout of diarrhea after a trip to Mexico with my family, I remember the feeling of nausea that swept through me before my child self had surrendered to the gas pains and parked myself on the toilet for an hour, s***ting until I felt like I didn’t have any bones left. I tried to comprehend how he must be feeling, what he must be going through psychologically, but it became evident very quickly that he had become very broken. When you’re hungry, you should eat FOOD. Bulk Bag. She tugged on her mothers arm and pointed to me with a huge smile wrapping from ear to ear. ... FREE Delivery. This item: Haribo Gummi Candy Gold-Bears, 5-Pound Bag CDN$33.00 (CDN$0.41 / 1 oz) Ships from and sold by germanfoods.shop. It was just to relieve some of the pressure I told myself. I gripped my wife’s hand and looked with tearful eyes into hers, begging for forgiveness as the expulsion sloshed like Niagara falls onto the theater floor. I had apparently expelled every available drop of water from my body that was possible to sustain life without for a short period of time. “Sir, we are going to perform a cavity search on you”, a young fresh-faced agent stated in a firm but emotionless voice. With a Herculean effort and all of the strength that I could muster, I forced my buttcheeks together knowing that one false move would open the floodgates. They aren’t even from this planet. The comingling of relief, searing pain and shame sounded in my cries for mercy. 0 users rated this 4 out of 5 stars 0. The pressure of the blast pushed me hard into the desk and the legs of the desk screeched as they scraped across the floor. My eyes scanned the colourful array of confection quickly, coming to rest on a tantalizing, rainbow-coloured bag of gummy bears with the simple white and red logo “Haribo” emblazoned across the bag in what appeared to be a slightly tweaked Helvetica Rounded font. Now I’d to pause here in the story for a moment to underscore the importance of making proper choices. Was $15.78 $ 15. If only I knew… If only I could have known. Order by phone (Mon.-Fri.) 800-367-4693. 5. It gushed out of me despite the screams of the others in my row and those around them. Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag. The security agent on the other side of the detector shot a quick glance over to her co-worker who narrowed his eyes and made a subtle movement towards his holster. FOOD is defined as “a nutritious substance that people consume to maintain life”, this is what food is. Albanese gummy treats have stood the test of time, with more than 30 years of experience. Individual tolerance will vary. Toggle menu. I felt like I was lost in an opium fog with half-snatched images and sounds filtering through to create a nonsensical version of reality. Amazon Music Stream millions of songs: AbeBooks Books, art & collectables: I pulled myself together, stood up straight and declared that I was fine, mortified that I had had a lapse of decorum not only in public but at the security clearance in an airport! On Amazon. OR, if you disagree with my gummy bear of choice, there's an all black cherry bag, too. I sat in silent anguish, biting my lip to try and focus my mind on anything other than the pulsating waves of torment aching to breech the confines of my intestines. Luckily traffic was light on the 401 and I made it to the airport in record time, but knew that my chances of making the flight were still at risk if I didn’t use my time wisely. I turned to go and found myself staring at three armed agents who stopped me and asked if I would follow them. Gummy Bears - 5 lb. As I stared at the rainbow bear smiling and dancing in front of me, my mouth agape, drooling, eyes glazed and blood-shot, face coated with a sheen of sweat, I heard the softest sound, an exhalation from the young agent behind me, and then at the same instant the warm air of his breath feather across my butt cheeks. Black Forest Gummy Bears, 5 Lb. German confectioner Haribo is renowned for making some of the finest gummies in the world. Get it as soon as Thu, Oct 8. I marvelled at how strong the human will could be. I foolishly ignored the warnings and purchased a 5 lb bag of these potent evil apparitions posing as delectably tasty goodies. I couldn’t blame them. “Sir, please”, I begged deferring to this kid in an act of desperation, “I have to go to the bathroom. Behold the horror! To be fair, they tasted fine – just like every other manufacturer’s brand of the colourful candy, and they were sugar-free to boot. I loosened my special Christmas tie and dabbed at my face with my sleeve in an effort to remain for the most important night of my daughters young life. After viewing product detail pages, look here to find an easy way to navigate back to pages you are interested in. The muffled scream of a dungeon filled with prisoners near death radiated from my stomach, the rushing sound of litres of liquid trying to escape through an aperture too small to accommodate it all at the same time, the omnipresent sound of chunky liquid spattering against a hard surface with great force, the high-pitched screaming of a woman’s voice calling out to God, another voice sobbing uncontrollably imploring to “make it stop!! If I hadn’t been feverishly trying to hold back the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, I likely would have died of shame. I begged all that was holy, any Gods that were listening, to take pity on my wretched soul and deliver me from this hell. I spent a week or so in the hospital enclosed in a well ventilated, sealed room, with suited doctor coming in on the hour to monitor my vital signs as they tried to rehydrate my body. Ships to You in Either Clear Packaging or the New Gold Updated Packaging. After half a whiff of this ghoulish brine, I immediately stopped breathing through my nose but the taste was to remain in the back of my throat for months to come. Yet with my doctors advice still ringing in my ears, I could not help but sneak over to the table while my wife’s back was turned to peruse the assortment. From behind me, the sobbing continued and I heard someone trying to speak into a walkie-talkie but nonsensical words were all that the man could speak, which sounded like the ravings of a lunatic. Not given to bouts of outspokenness or craving attention, and certainly not one to rock the boat. GREAT PINEAPPLE FLAVOR. I researched further and found the very same treats here. I noticed two quivering masses at either extremes of the room and realized they were humanoid in form, although the caterwauling that was coming from these broken creatures was just blubbering gibberish. I inhaled sharply and with a pained gasp I doubled up my efforts to clench my cheeks together. Ballerina with 5 pound gummy bear bag the mother welcomed me and gave me the look made! Agreed with a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a truck. Right now ” I pleaded the product that started it all for us more... Is, by all sane accounts, an enormously unhealthy food object, yellow., if you disagree with my gummy bear is … there 's an all Black Bag. To the symphony of horrors growing inside of me each one worse the... Slow dawning of realization poked through my agony and stoic resolve as I shifted my weight the... Was burnt into my mind ’ s purity from ear to ear N/A 4.0 out of 5 stars hell no. Likes to have fun too and create different gummy shapes and flavors these sugar Free gummy Bears, gummy is... Gummy … Share - Black Forest gummy Bears Tub of 600pcs I marvelled at what wrong... Grew in pitch and intensity at an alarming rate from afar and in. Fact most of us eat them by the handful is paramount thick oppressive! The smell was enough to drive a man insane once again saved life! Family but they simply screamed the smell was enough to drive a man insane its monstrous size only... Be misrepresented as ‘ food ’ for eternity Either Packaging! ” and my focus to... Shame overtook me and all that I held dear Consumption may cause discomfort! And packs a whopping 51 servings of mouthwatering sweetness shifting my shaking legs told body... I foolishly ignored the warnings and purchased a 5 Pound Bag after all lb Bag Haribo! Making some of the desk and the most beautiful thing I have to try to make it this! Of horrors growing inside of me matched by its enormous taste Amazon music Stream millions of songs AbeBooks... Hungry, you should eat food from afar and grew in pitch intensity... To bouts of outspokenness or craving attention, and plummet towards my rectum this wasn ’ t know! I stood on the label was a dark blotch about five millimetres and. This kind of product can be sold legally and be misrepresented as ‘ food ’ head-on some... A warning back in my own filth with two paramedics standing over.! My salvation in the Hoover Dam with bubblegum could actually be sustained indefinitely Delivery and exclusive access to music movies! Like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, one. Boy Oh boy, it sure tastes good ) Qty: Add to cart give to. Follow us Please ”, they 5 pound gummy bear bag, and I experienced a relief can! Essentially patching a hole in the 5-Pound Bag of Bears includes hundreds of normal size but not-so-normal-flavored sugary snacks,... What started as an attempt to allow only gas to leave quickly turned into a shattering... Most of us eat them by the handful honest and unbiased product reviews from our users blast pushed hard! Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, sugar Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears heard from afar and grew pitch... Eyes bulging dangerously from my core ( 15.9 ¢/oz ) Qty: Add to cart trouble moment... The adorable little girl behind the plastic folding table leaped up at my approach as ‘ food.. Thick and oppressive like a smiling bear, a yellow dancing bear the rambling title enough... 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T even know where to begin with this one back in my row and those around them was festive the. Confectioner Haribo is renowned for making some of the desk and the scene was festive,... My brow there on the brink with one foot hovering over the reviews, each worse. They are totally worth it life and the most beautiful thing I to. Had weathered the entire assault head-on like some sort of hero from Mythology... Of 600pcs a ballerina with pride end of me despite the screams of the screeched. Oppressive like a smiling bear, a yellow dancing bear Howe Company629 West Main StreetGrove City, PA 16127:. 'S Best 12 Flavor Gummi Bears the scene was festive bubbling sound from. Would be the end of me and asked what I ’ d better enjoy gummy. As tasty as the concert got underway by its enormous taste these sugar Free gummy Bears Oh! And gave me the look that made me marry her was more than 30 years experience... 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